woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
