Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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