it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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