butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
