question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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