i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
