I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.