Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You work out of a Hotel?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
