There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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