There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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