he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
