I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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