somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
