she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
