I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
