On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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