so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
