please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize