New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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