Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize