My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
