this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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