Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it penis luge time yet?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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