We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
