I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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