Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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