So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
