I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think i got beer on your cat.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
