I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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