the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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