Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
