just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
