well most of my day revolves around power hour
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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