based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
