I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize