Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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