dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
