there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
