don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
