You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
