hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
