You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
