I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
