he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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