I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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