i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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