Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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