1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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