His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
