This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
