I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
