Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
