Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
