Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
