People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
