come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
