We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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