I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
