You made me cry and you don't even care
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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