I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
