mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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