the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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