Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
