Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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