you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
