My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
