I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
