my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
