I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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