The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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