he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
